Wednesday 12 April 2017

The First Time I Was Objectified By Men

This post has been inspired by 13 Reasons Why and by Vix Meldrew. When I saw the female characters getting objectified by the male characters in 13RW, it brought back a lot of memories from clubbing and even when I (like Hannah) moved to a new school. I think we get a little too used to the treatment we can get from some men boys, and we don't often speak up and say that actually that's not ok.

The first time I was objectified by males, was when I was eleven. I moved secondary schools and I became the interesting new girl where everyone gawked at me. Before boys even talked to me they were asking me out because I was a new toy. I kept rejecting them as they didn't even know me and didn't even try to.

When I was thirteen my first kiss was stolen from me. He didn't ask my permission he just shoved his tongue in my mouth and I had no idea what to do, I didn't fancy him and he was my friends boyfriend but she was ok with it?! I felt so violated and sick for a few days afterwards. I was sad that that was my first kiss.

At fourteen, I was coerced into kissing a guy I was seeing. I wasn't comfortable but I didn't want to seem frigid and boring. At this age many of the guys in my year started slapping and pinching girls bums around school, with no fear of consequences. I don't think any girls spoke up about it (including myself) even though we were clearly uncomfortable and not "asking for it".

During my mid-teens at school many guys would flirt with girls with no intention of being with them, it was just because they could. They wanted to be seen as an alpha male and have other classmates be in awe of their presence. I made it clear one day that I fancied this alpha male and he kissed another girl in front of me, what purpose that had I don't know other than to hurt my feelings.

Although at the age of fourteen, I met my current boyfriend when I had just about given up on boys. He was kind, sweet and cared about me. I started to love myself and have confidence as someone actually loved me for me (apart from my parents).

When I was eighteen I started to go clubbing, for awhile I didn't get any male attention which I liked as I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested. I was happy in my bubble until various men boys started to pinch and slap my bum (much like during secondary school) and had no interest in talking to me. They would flee or hide in their group of mates and laugh because it's hilarious when a girl wants to confront the person who just assaulted and violated her. It's too loud in clubs to lecture these boys (because they are clearly not real men) so you suffer in silence.

I've heard from many of my friends worse accounts than I've had, and I don't appreciate strangers groping me or my friends. For the record I don't flash loads of skin, I cover up because I'm not comfortable in my own skin, I wear leggings and leather jackets so I can hide my flaws, and yet I still get harassed and felt up.

A few times I have been quite drunk and some guys spot their chance at seizing my vulnerability to 'get' with me. Why is it that guys want to get with girls/women who aren't completely conscious? It's twisted, the same as just wanting to feel a woman and walk away with no intention of getting to know them.

I know this is not all guys, but I've had so many encounters I've lost count. I've also lost count of the amount of nights ruined by guys harassing me and my friends over and over again. Just because women are out clubbing does not mean it's an invitation to assault and harass them.

13 Reasons Why made me sad and angry about the way that men boys look at us, even though it's fictional I bet the majority of women out there have experienced harassment at least once in their life.

It shouldn't be right to have to completely cover up so you don't "ask" for attention, and still get groped. It shouldn't be right that women can't get drunk because that's "asking for it" I don't hear of many cases where men are drunk or wearing revealing clothing and getting groped and assaulted by women.

If you've had similar experiences with harassment in clubs, or feel you've been objectified from a young age, please speak out. The more we talk about this, the more chance there might be of changing the way society is behaving.

Let me know what you think in the comments or @ me here.

Saffron x


  1. This post is very important as women are objectified throughout their lives even as young girls which is sickening. I respect you 100% for writing this as people need to know how disgusting it is to be sexualised all the time. Fantastic! Xx

    1. Thank you! I just get so angry that we're still seen as sex objects that men can easily get, even when we're not wearing the kind of clothing that might suggest sex.

      Thank you for commenting! X

  2. Going clubbing and getting touched up is this absolute worst, my friends and I have some pretty scary encounters where some boys have almost gotten violent until other male friends gave got involved. This is a problem that needs to be spoken about more so thank you so much for sharing!

    Kirsty | The Monday Project |

    1. One of my friends told me about a scary experience after reading my post, it's horrible when they get aggressive and violent there is no need to act that way when you're clearly rejected, when there was clearly no interest from the female party.

      Thank you for commenting! x

  3. I feel like this is a problem that needs to be spoken about a lot more. I hate going clubbing because of this, I've had some scary encounters like one boy ran after us because I turned him down and we ended up having to run away from him. It's horrible, thank you so much for sharing this xx

    Hannah | luxuryblush♡

  4. Omg I cannot stress how much I LOVED this post. Objectification of women has been normalised so much that nowadays we see issues like a grab in a club as a normal occurrence and brush it off, but as you stress here it's not okay and we shouldn't act like it is! Sorry you've had to experience the things that you have, but I'm glad to hear that you're in a happy relationship and stronger as a result of everything.
    Jas xx


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