The First Time I Was Objectified By Men

This post has been inspired by 13 Reasons Why and by Vix Meldrew. When I saw the female characters getting objectified by the male characters in 13RW, it brought back a lot of memories from clubbing and even when I (like Hannah) moved to a new school. I think we get a little too used to the treatment we can get from some men boys, and we don't often speak up and say that actually that's not ok.

The first time I was objectified by males, was when I was eleven. I moved secondary schools and I became the interesting new girl where everyone gawked at me. Before boys even talked to me they were asking me out because I was a new toy. I kept rejecting them as they didn't even know me and didn't even try to.

When I was thirteen my first kiss was stolen from me. He didn't ask my permission he just shoved his tongue in my mouth and I had no idea what to do, I didn't fancy him and he was my friends boyfriend but she was ok with it?! I felt so violated and sick for a few days afterwards. I was sad that that was my first kiss.

At fourteen, I was coerced into kissing a guy I was seeing. I wasn't comfortable but I didn't want to seem frigid and boring. At this age many of the guys in my year started slapping and pinching girls bums around school, with no fear of consequences. I don't think any girls spoke up about it (including myself) even though we were clearly uncomfortable and not "asking for it".

During my mid-teens at school many guys would flirt with girls with no intention of being with them, it was just because they could. They wanted to be seen as an alpha male and have other classmates be in awe of their presence. I made it clear one day that I fancied this alpha male and he kissed another girl in front of me, what purpose that had I don't know other than to hurt my feelings.

Although at the age of fourteen, I met my current boyfriend when I had just about given up on boys. He was kind, sweet and cared about me. I started to love myself and have confidence as someone actually loved me for me (apart from my parents).

When I was eighteen I started to go clubbing, for awhile I didn't get any male attention which I liked as I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested. I was happy in my bubble until various men boys started to pinch and slap my bum (much like during secondary school) and had no interest in talking to me. They would flee or hide in their group of mates and laugh because it's hilarious when a girl wants to confront the person who just assaulted and violated her. It's too loud in clubs to lecture these boys (because they are clearly not real men) so you suffer in silence.

I've heard from many of my friends worse accounts than I've had, and I don't appreciate strangers groping me or my friends. For the record I don't flash loads of skin, I cover up because I'm not comfortable in my own skin, I wear leggings and leather jackets so I can hide my flaws, and yet I still get harassed and felt up.

A few times I have been quite drunk and some guys spot their chance at seizing my vulnerability to 'get' with me. Why is it that guys want to get with girls/women who aren't completely conscious? It's twisted, the same as just wanting to feel a woman and walk away with no intention of getting to know them.

I know this is not all guys, but I've had so many encounters I've lost count. I've also lost count of the amount of nights ruined by guys harassing me and my friends over and over again. Just because women are out clubbing does not mean it's an invitation to assault and harass them.

13 Reasons Why made me sad and angry about the way that men boys look at us, even though it's fictional I bet the majority of women out there have experienced harassment at least once in their life.

It shouldn't be right to have to completely cover up so you don't "ask" for attention, and still get groped. It shouldn't be right that women can't get drunk because that's "asking for it" I don't hear of many cases where men are drunk or wearing revealing clothing and getting groped and assaulted by women.

If you've had similar experiences with harassment in clubs, or feel you've been objectified from a young age, please speak out. The more we talk about this, the more chance there might be of changing the way society is behaving.

Let me know what you think in the comments or @ me here.

Saffron x

Why You Should Watch '13 Reasons Why'

WARNING: There might be spoilers in this post, and discussion of mental health and suicide.

If you haven't heard of 13 Reasons Why yet, where have you been and get Netflix asap. I managed to watch all thirteen episodes and the behind the scenes video within twenty four hours...I had a day off ok...I thought I'd do a little post while the series is hot on why I think everyone should watch it.

It starts a conversation about mental health and suicide 

So many important issues are raised in this series, and I feel for each and every character (except Bryce), the story is so detailed and they tried to get it as accurate as possible. I can't remember the last series or film to touch on an issue so strongly in a long time.

Anyone can relate to some part of the series

I personally can relate to some of the issues that pop up throughout, and I don't think I've ever felt so tied to characters before by knowing what they've been through. And they are fictional characters.

It's easily binge-able 

Ok, yes the episodes are nearly an hour long each, BUT I just had to know who was on the next tape and why Clay is on one of them.

The soundtrack is amazing

I personally cannot stop listening to the soundtrack, it sounds so "come of age" and there's some Cure and Joy Division on there too. Take a listen for yourself, I don't usually listen to albums all the way through but after loving the songs in the series I can listen to it on repeat.

You're never sure what's going to happen in each episode

From the outset you know that Hannah commits suicide, but you're not sure of all the reasons why until the end (so watch it all the way to the end, please).

Cassette tapes 👌🏼

Everyone thought cassette tapes wouldn't make a comeback, well they were wrong and I want a cassette walkman now. Every time I wear my Sony headphones I feel like I'm listening to the tapes.

Some parts are uncomfortable to watch

But that's good, it's not supposed to be easy. I know some people are a bit squeamish but for me it was so good to see how it feels. It's meant to start a conversation.

It was a book before it was a Netflix series 

Seeing how amazing the series was makes me want to read the book (my inner book worm coming out).

It's good to get angry

During and after watching this I did feel down, but also anger. For the injustices, against a number of the characters, and what people in real life might go through. 

Parents should watch this

If ever a parent wanted to understand what their millennial child is going through, watch this. For someone who's experienced bulling in real life and online this is a pretty accurate representation.

Clay is bae

For me Clay is the living embodiment of an awkward teenager, Dylan Minnette plays him so well. Even though he's a male character I can connect to how he feels, he makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me cheer him on.

There are some beautiful shots

As a film student I analyse TV series and films automatically and by choice, there are some stunning shots. One is during their winter formal, and sometimes the narrative flips to visions that Clay has and they are beautifully haunting.

Have you ever wondered?

If you've ever wondered what emptiness looks like, what depression/self harm/suicide/objectification...then look no further. If you want to understand what it's like to be a girl in a man-made world, and how your reputation can diminish with a few rumours, then please watch this.

Oh look that was 13 reasons why...

What did you think of 13 Reasons Why? Or let me know if you now want to go and watch all thirteen episodes!

Another perk of this series is before an episode begins that might trigger some audience members it tells you beforehand, and it lets you know where you can seek help. I know the US and UK might be slightly different but I always see adverts for the Samaritans and Childline, if ever you are seeking help.