What I'm Thankful For This Year

I was thinking of doing a 2019 roundup post, or even thinking of a "highs and lows" of the year but in the end I didn't feel like it. I didn't want to pay too much attention to the darker patches of the year, so instead I thought I'd write about what I'm thankful for this past year. I'd rather try and look at the positives and write about what I'm grateful for.

by Connor Cleary

My parents

My family isn't very big so the fact that I'm really close to my Mum, Dad and Step Mum is amazing. Whenever I need advice or I'm struggling I turn to my parent panel for their verdict, and they always give their honest and supportive opinions. This past year hasn't been great for me in a lot of ways, but I'm so thankful to have my parents to guide me and just be there for me even if it's just to listen. I've been trying to be more open to my parents when I am having a bad turn. For example, as I don't live with my parents anymore I've stopped just responding to texts with "yeah I'm ok" or "not bad", I'll tell them I'm not doing well and this might prompt a nice little phone call to get me through until I next see them.

Music

Music can be a big part of a lot of people's lives, but I've found in recent years since I learned to drive that having great music to listen to on drives can be essential. Time can go by quicker and you don't feel so ragey whilst sitting in traffic. I'm thankful for discovering Billie Eilish, Lewis Capaldi and Lizzo's music this year. I have had many loud singing sessions which have gotten me through a total of an hour and a half commute each day with motorway works thrown in. I was so happy to have seen Lewis at Victorious and sing at the top of my lungs with the thousands and thousands of people who flocked to Castle Stage (I had never seen that field SO full with people before). Also my lovely friend Charis recommended a true crime podcast; My Favorite Murder. I hadn't quite gotten into podcasts except when my boyfriend would listen to Harmon Town on long drives, but kept meaning to. I'm able to listen to podcasts at work and have been binge listening to MFM and I love it so much. It's such an engaging subject that keeps me alert whether I'm working or driving and the two women who created it; Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff are incredibly funny and down to earth. I love hearing about how listeners have taken on board their advice to "stay sexy and don't get murdered" which is the catch phrase for the end of each episode.

Let's Talk About Progress

This year has been more about progress than anything else in hindsight. I haven't really had many major career moves, a few films here and there and I've loved those experiences but I still don't have enough for it to be my regular income. On the sidelines I have upped my game with fitness and my weight loss, I didn't really realise until recently how much further I had come since the beginning of the year until I actually looked back (another post to come about this topic). I conquered running this year through the Couch to 5k app and even when I used to run back at school, I have exceeded my progress as I have a much healthier mindset now.

My Friends

Even though I have missed out on a few social functions this year due to all kinds of work, I really appreciate that they are still there when I need them, and the times we do get together. I don't think we really realised when we left school and college and became little adults how much it'd affect how much we'd see each other. I'm lucky that I have two groups of friends and then a handful of singular friends as well, and that most of these friendships have stuck since the beginning of secondary school.

My Boyfriend

I can't talk about this year and not mention Connor, throughout this years struggles he's always there (sort of) patiently listening, but he'll also tell me straight up how it is and his opinions. Although sometimes I hate this, it actually really helps when you want another perspective. Now that we're both trying to become official adults it's nice that we are there supporting each other as a team, being that we've nearly been together for ten years we've grown with each other in that time.

I hope you enjoyed a slightly different end of year post, I just didn't feel quite right doing the usual piece being that this past year has been so different and at times quite difficult.

Comment below the things or people you've been thankful for this year, I'd love to know!

My Goals for 2017

Hello everyone!

I hope you've all had a lovely Christmas, and have enjoyed some time off! With the New Year just a few moments away, I thought I'd do a little goals post for the oncoming year.

• Finish my degree with a 2:1
  I know some people strive for a first at university, but I'd be perfectly happy with a 2:1 as it's the next best grade, and I've had some hardships at university so I am more than ok with this grade!

• Pass my practical driving test
  This was on my goals list for last year, but I did pass my theory test on my second go! Woohoo! I've been a bit busy, or I hadn't had the money for lessons and the test itself. But, this year I plan to defeat any driving anxieties and get myself a little car! I've wanted (needed) to drive for so long now, as I'm always between my mums, my dads and my boyfriends house so I'd love to sack in the public transport ASAP!

• Go travelling
  My boyfriend and I have wanted to go on holiday for years, and we've had the idea of using the interrail across Europe. As we finish our degrees by May, hopefully the idea is to spend a couple of weeks visiting all the places we've wanted to go to!

• Regular blogging
  Now that I've picked blogging back up, I'd like to keep doing it on a regular basis. I don't want to put any pressure on myself to do so many posts each week or anything like that, as this is a hobby, and I want to be able to enjoy it!

• Keep a diary for a year
  This is something I've wanted to do for so long, to document my life in a diary for a whole year! I think it'd be really interesting to see how the year develops, and at the end of the year look back and see how things have changed, or how I felt.

• Take a photo of myself everyday
  Again, this is something I've wanted to do for a while, especially when I've seen other people do it. I don't particularly like taking photos of myself, only on days where I feel I do look ok, so this will be something interesting to see how I change throughout the year!

• Try and achieve a savings account £££
  With the end of my degree being just around the corner, now is the time to start saving up, as I don't know what the future holds just yet! I also have some plans lined up so I'll need money for those. But also it's a smart idea to try and save up towards a house, this will take a while, but it's as good a time as any if I want to have my own home!

• Make time for friends and family
  I'm carrying this on from last year, as I do feel I've improved with seeing my friends and family more often, which is always hard between university and working. But I am trying to be less of a Netflix hermit and go out and do things when I can! Plus, this past year I've learnt that you must make the most of the time you have.

• Make more time for myself
  I've seen a few other people make this a goal for new year, to make more time for yourself. I've also learnt that it's very important to make time to focus on you, especially in times of stress or if you're busy. Even if it's taking an hour out to have a bath, or read a chapter or two of a book you've been meaning to read!

I've done these little goals for a couple of years now, and I enjoy doing them. I think it's good to set yourself goals, or try and do things you wouldn't normally do, and help make the next year more interesting!


Let me know what your goals are for 2017!

Love Saffron x

A Little Update for You...

Hello!

Today I thought I'd write a little post about the progress of my blog, and my YouTube channel. If you've subscribed to my channel, or watch some of my videos you would have noticed I haven't uploaded in a little while...Now it's not for lack of trying or I can't be bothered. I got so busy over the summer and through this first semester at university, that I have quite the back log of videos to edit! So I won't be making anymore videos for the time being, I have a couple planned that I want to do before the New Year, so hopefully I'll have the time to do those!

Meanwhile, with my blog I'll be undertaking some changes to the layout/look of my blog as I never seem to be happy with how it looks! But, I plan to do more regular posts, as I'm finding it easier to write posts than film videos. Plus, I used to love writing, and it makes me happy when I blog.

I've got a few posts planned for the next few weeks so my blog will be more active, so keep your eyes peeled!

Thank you for reading my little update!

Love Saffron x

2016 Goals Catch Up

Hello!

This post is all about looking back at the goals I made for myself at the beginning of this year, as I thought it'd be good to remind myself! As I think we all do the same thing, by setting these resolutions and goals and we get a bit over ambitious, and never end up completing them. So I thought I'd see where abouts I've got to, and it might inspire both myself and you reading this, to try and strive and complete said goals.

So above is my little list, and I'd forgotten a lot of these! I will talk you through which one's I have or haven't completed, and one's that I might be in the midst of completing.

1. I've been to a panic group session, which wasn't for me, and I asked for one on one sessions, and then they found out that I had Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I then went on for a further assessment, and finally got onto a course of one on one counselling. I think at first everyone's hesitant about counselling, and I was too. I wasn't sure how talking to someone would help me, and lessen my problems. However, over time I think I have seen a big difference. I still can get quite bad episodes of anxiety, but I feel that I can cope better (sometimes) and I've taken away with me a lot of useful information that hopefully if I stick to it, will help me even more in the future.

I don't think anyone can find the true root of their anxiety, I think I was using the "root" as another excuse, for example: "yeah if I find the root, I can fix it and it'll go away". I've found that I kept getting further and further into different states of denial, but I've started to get over that now.

2. I can proudly say, with loads of bumps in the road, I did overall get a 2:1 for my second year or university! I didn't think I would make it, but luck was on my side and my hard work paid off! Now just to crack on with third year, to make a full 2:1 more of a reality!

3. and 4. Sadly I did not get to go on holibobs this year (as of yet, who knows!) However, I did go to V Festival with my friends, and just spent Bestival with my boyfriend and close friend (although it was a filming job, we still got to go on a boat, so kind of a work holiday?).

5. Technically, I have made two films over the summer, but they weren't my own work, which was what I was intending to do! I wanted to write a script and feel like I had made my own idea. None the less, I still was a part of two films outside of university, so I can't complain!

6. Now I can say I've had a crack at this! Albeit, my vlogs aren't very "vloggy" as in they do lack a lot of talking to camera out and about, but I am working on it, and I've been filming a lot more, so my confidence has improved, and my own voice isn't actually irritating me anymore!

7. Yeah...The savings thing hasn't happened! Shock!

8. Now I've done part one of this! I passed my theory test in early August! Now I'm hoping to pass my driving test for New Year, but I'm yet to get back behind the wheel, so we shall see how that goes!

9. Yeah, no.

10. I don't know quite what to say for this one as of yet, I'd say I have been more a social butterfly at times, and have tried to keep up with seeing friends and family. But, I've also realised how busy life is when you turn into a (kind of) adult! Plus, I think a goal like this one, you can't complete it, you just have to keep that goal open.

So this is what my 2016 goals look like so far!

• Go to cognitive behavioural therapy to try and find the root of my anxiety

• Pass my second year of university with at least a 2:1

• Go on holiday with my boyfriend over the summer

• Go on holiday with my friends again

• Make my own short film in my spare time

• Start vlogging to boost my confidence

• Actually have a savings that I don't dip into all the time

• Pass my theory and driving test

• Get an awesome car with an equally awesome name

• Make more time for friends and family

All in all, I'm kind of impressed! When thinking about writing this post, I didn't think I had done a lot of my goals, but I've done 4/10, and I've achieved other things this year. Such as: completed and raised £100 for the Race for Life Pretty Muddy 5k, and bagged some work experience at a film studio for later this year! 


I've got so much more to do this year, and I still think that even thought I may, or may not achieve all of these goals. I strongly believe it is healthy to set realistic, or even goals that might be that small stretch away, to push yourself and get out of your comfort zone!


So for those of you that have goals or resolutions that you set yourself in January, have a look back and see if you can  do some of those things you set out to do!

Good luck!

Love Saffron x

Good Bye 2015! Hello 2016!

Hello everyone!

This is my first blog post of 2016 exciting isn't it!

Last year a lot happened to me, especially in the last six months of 2015. In a short space of time I'd realised I had anxiety and very quickly tried everything I could to try and shift it! I thought that I could blame it on a friendship that had been upsetting me since last christmas as it was the only slightly traumatic thing to happen when I started getting anxiety moments. I tried different breathing exercises, started playing more games on my phone to distract me from getting anxious, to completely having to walk out of rooms or outside to get fresh air and let it blow away the anxious-ness.

Of course there's no quick remedy as I've come out of denial. I'm gutted that this could be a more permanent aspect of my life, as I get held back from what I used to be able to do. In the short while I've had this I've created coping mechanisms, as before mentioned in my "Why blog?" post blogging and reading have been making my life much easier! Especially by coming out officially to Twitter and Blogger about my anxiety, I found people who are just like me, and it makes me feel so much better that there are others out there! 

My most recent read is Zoella's "Girl Online" I tried to start reading it before Christmas when I was at Uni but Uni takes over my life in more aspects than I'd like it to. It's so refreshing to read about a characters anxiety, and you'd think that reading about anxiety might remind me that I have it and I'd get an anxious moment. But no, it's such an easy and relaxing read and I can relate a lot to Penny (not the embarrassing or humiliating aspects) the way that she feels and how she tries to cope with panic attacks. 

I'm fortunate that I was a strong person before my anxiety, I've dealt with a lot more things than I would've liked in my short lifetime. So I have more strength to keep away panic attacks. I think I've only had about two proper panic attacks in my life, the most recent when I got trapped in the Isle of Wight festival crowd. My lovely friend dragged me through the crowd almost beating people up to get us out, as she too was having a panic attack. I would never dramatically say that my anxiety is like having panic attacks all the time, because having a panic attack is awful, it's vile! There are some people who genuinely get bad panic attacks, so it frustrates me when people claim they have it all the time! A panic attack for me, is where I am no longer able to see in front of me anymore, I can't think and I'm not in control of my own body, I can't breathe so I start uncontrollably hyperventilating so much that I might be close to being sick. Never would I claim to have this all the time. It's horrible and I do everything in my power not to let the anxiety take over.

I think a lot of the time we take ourselves for granted, we don't pat ourselves on the shoulder enough when we've been crawling through life's struggles. I'm genuinely really proud of myself, mostly for the latter part of the year. How quickly I actually opened up to my peers and family about what was wrong with me, and seeking counselling too. It's so much better to find and ask for help, you might think that no one will understand or no one can help you, but that's just the demons talking. There's so much out there now to help, you just have to look for it, and talk to someone, anyone!

I grew out of New Year's resolutions a long time ago, instead I write down each year the things I want to do. Last year I made a list of improvements to my life:

It wasn't be all and end all if I didn't do these things, I didn't do a lot of beehives, or got my ear pierced (but it's imminent as my boyfriend is paying for it!) I just think it's healthier to have some goals set for the year ahead. And here are mine:

• Go to cognitive behavioural therapy to try and find the root of my anxiety

• Pass my second year of university with at least a 2:1

• Go on holiday with my boyfriend over the summer

• Go on holiday with my friends again

• Make my own short film in my spare time

• Start vlogging to boost my confidence

• Actually have a savings that I don't dip into all the time

• Pass my theory and driving test

• Get an awesome car with an equally awesome name

• Make more time for friends and family

I will keep you guys updated over the year on which goals I've reached, as now I have a small group of readers to help influence these goals! I do also need to exercise more but I'm not being so strict on it as I don't want to force myself to do it, I want to enjoy exercising and find my love of running again in my own time.

Now for you guys, it's your turn. Plan some events this year and get one of those countdown apps to show what you have to look forward to, I've been doing this for the past three years (I have a monthly countdown to pay day because I'm sad) and it really helps me cope with the year to know I have such exciting things ahead of me! But also I want to know your goals for this year, what are you going to set out to fulfil, or if you do New Years resolutions comment on what those may be!

I will reply to all of you, also comment if you deal with anxiety or anything that takes control on your life!

I'm here for you,

Saffron x