My Grad Ball | In Review

If you haven't seen on my social media I've recently graduated from University, and had my Grad Ball.

I was a bit sceptical about attending my ball, it's more the price that was concerning me. Starting from £35 - £45 each just for entry, or to help cover the attractions inside. However, any other day of the week the Students Union is free to enter...

I spoke to my parents about it and they convinced me to go as I only get to do this once, and therefor had to convince Connor to come with me too!

A little shout out to the lovely ladies at Diamond Quays in Fareham for doing my make up and hair for Grad Ball, it took a weight off of my shoulders and I was in love with how dolled up they made me!

The theme for the evening was "Spring into Summer, Fall into Winter"...not much of a specific theme in my eyes, but each room had a different season. My favourite was the big white marque decked out as Winter named 'Ice Palace', I loved the decorations and the fairy lights! They had live music acts on until 10pm then the silent disco started.

I didn't take too many photos I'm afraid as I wanted it to sink in that this was my last piece of university. Most of the union was draped in white fabric which did add a bit of mystery and it didn't look like the union by day. It was nice that there were different rooms to go to and little sitting areas, dotted around.

I loved that there were two backdrops for the photo booth (The Photo Lounge), one was summer and the other winter (as seen above). There were lots of props to choose from, but I panicked for original ideas for the four poses, and we had ten seconds in-between to change props. Connor made me laugh so much when he put on the goggles and rug he said "I can't see??!!" and I was creasing! They print out one copy there and then and the rest went up on their Facebook page the next day.

It was nice to see my peers all glammed up and have some good byes and see you soons, but in a way the event didn't feel as formal as we were dressed up to be. It was quite clubby, and in certain areas it was so crowded and a bit awkward to actually move around the building. However I'd say our favourite part was the Bandeoke in what was the Waterhole Bar but was transformed into An Ode To Autumn. If you haven't heard of Bandeoke before, it's where they have a band and a list of songs they can play and you go up and pick one of them to sing, so a more sophisticated karaoke. Connor and I were laughing so much at the drunkards getting up there and not singing along in time, but good on them for having the courage to do that!

All in all I feel if there was a bit more formality to the event and a bit more space as it gets quite cramped in there quickly! And of course it would have been nicer if it was a tad cheaper, as the whole graduation week and not to mention the whole process of going to University is so expensive, it would've been nice to have gotten a little bit more back...

I loved getting dressed up one more time for a University event with Connor. I started University with him, and I've finished it with him as well, and it's been the best experience to have had my boyfriend and best friend with me on this journey.

Let me know what your Grad Ball was like, or if you're excited for yours!

So long University!

Love Saffron x

The Truth About Uni | Finishing My Degree

So this is possibly my last post with the student collab. The reason being that I've finished my degree, I've had all my grades back and I'm now preparing for graduation. I've really loved being a part of this collaboration and talking to the other bloggers involved.

Even though my last deadline was well over a month ago, there's no instant relief when you hand in your last piece of work. Yes, there might not be any actual work to do anymore but I had nightmares about my grades, and which units I passed etc. Not fun. But now that I've got all of my concrete grades, I do have a bit of relief that I've officially passed everything and got the grade I wanted. I'm sure it'll hit me when I'm walking across the stage in my cap and gown!

Now that the hard part is over, the even harder bit is round the corner. Getting a job! I've applied for countless jobs and even training schemes to not hear back. There's so many other graduates, previous graduates and even those who didn't extend their education going for these roles. What matters a lot to employers is your experience. There's some stressful times, but it's figuring out how to use your time wisely and effectively which could help you get employed.

It is nice to have a bit of freedom, I can work more or less if I want to. I can blog more, spend time with my parents and my friends. But there is the worry of money, of wanting to get into the film and TV industry hanging over my head, but I'm trying to enjoy myself and unwind a little bit. It's been really hard for me to complete my degree, and I do need to accept that I'm a little fragile and probably shouldn't jump into anything too soon.

I'll admit that sometimes I look back on university, and I have rose tinted glasses on. I have hated university so much that I've wanted to quit, at times it's been too much for my mental health and I've struggled to cope. If I hadn't gone to a university close to home, then I'm sure I would've quit. By being close to my family they supported me and helped me complete my degree. I do have to laugh at myself when I think I'll miss university, I'd rather be in the real world moving on with my life than do more further education.

I have learnt a lot whilst being at university, about myself and life lessons. I found out that I shouldn't be turning away from my parents, that actually it's ok to lean on and need your parents. I've been in and out of debt, and I know that I never want to be in debt again! I've also learnt a fair bit about the TV and film industry and luckily by using the university resources I got to experience being on a film set, at a production company and work with the university filming and editing videos for clients.

Even though I really didn't enjoy university, I worked hard to make the most of it, and to find the opportunities I needed in those three years to build my portfolio.

I still have a few university related posts up my sleeves, so this won't be the last one I assure you!

I wish the rest of the lovely bloggers in the collab all the best and look forward to reading the rest of their journey's!

Jasmine from Thoughts From Jasmine (she brought us all together)

Jen from Velvet Spring

Becky from The Owlet

Annaleid from Actually Anna

Sophie from The Glamour Reel

Katherine from Millennial Rants

Tori from Legally Brunette

Love Saffron x

Grab A Cuppa

If you haven't tried Coffee #1 you're missing out, especially their caramel macchiato.

I'm thinking of turning this into a series of posts where I open up about thoughts and feelings I've been having. I've been wanting to be more open and honest on my blog for a while now, and even on Twitter I've been trying to talk about issues that are important to me.

I've had a post in my drafts for a while about Feeling Lost At 21, but it's more than just feeling lost.

I advise you to grab a cuppa with me while I talk through what's been playing on my mind. I will section up topics as best I can, so if you get bored you can skip to the next topic (how nice am I?).

Feeling like a failure

This is something that's rooted within me, I've always had high expectations of myself and I always want to please others, and if I don't...I have failed. If I forget something; I have failed. If I don't make a phone call or write an email; I have failed. If I can't meet with friends; I have failed. If I can't bear to go outside; I have failed.

I thought that I'd stopped doing this when I was receiving counselling for anxiety and depression. I've only recently realised that I'm still doing it. When I feel like I've failed I get so frustrated at myself, this then turns into a downward spiral fuelling my depressive side.

I need to stop putting myself on a pedestal that I can't reach, I expect so much of myself when I just can't and I make my mental health even worse.

My depression 

Recently I've started taking part in mental health chats on Twitter, and I love getting involved in lots of chats but especially talking about mental health. It makes you realise you're not alone, and I love to try and help others who are still struggling. Some of the first questions are usually about if you've been diagnosed with a mental illness. I usually reply that I have generalised anxiety disorder and that they also diagnosed me with depression. My thoughts on the latter are usually that I don't have it anymore, or it's not as bad, or it comes and goes like waves.

I've come to the conclusion that I think I've always had it. I do have short periods of my life in which I feel happy, but it never lasts long. I don't like to spend too much time alone because I don't like my own company, I often don't like myself at all. If I'm alone too much I do become depressed and helpless.

It doesn't help when you always feel worthless or like a failure on a day to day basis. I feel like if I don't talk about being depressed or even my anxiety people often forget I still have it. It doesn't go away, trust me I've tried fixing myself, or "curing" myself and there's no quick solution. It's frustrating that people don't take into account my mental health sometimes, I don't want to be treated differently or have special treatment. I just want people to remember that I'm not ok, and maybe just check in every once and a while and listen to me ramble over a cuppa.

When people ask me how I am, I reply "not too bad" but most times I want to say that I'm not ok. But, that's far too deep a conversation to get into when you pass someone in the hallway, on the street, at work or at the pub.

Why am I not ok?

Reasons why I'm not ok:

Stress, Anxiety, Depression, Loss, Self-hate, Weight, Uncertainty, Pressure, Money, Work

If you add all of that up I'm sure we can all agree it equals not being ok. With graduating on the horizon and my part time job isn't 100% stable at the moment I've got a lot of stressful thoughts roaming around my mind.

I've applied for a total of TWENTY JOBS so far and I've heard nothing back. I've tried re-working my CV but I'm not confident about it, I don't have enough "credits" for it to sell what I can do. I also can't drive yet and almost every single job requires you to drive, or be 23 or 25 for insurance purposes. It's really off putting that I can't apply for these jobs because I can't drive or I'm not based in London.

I don't often realise how stressed and anxious I am, I used to get physical symptoms; high heart rate, sickness, IBS/poorly tummy. I got better at coping with the physical symptoms but sometimes I can't control the invisible symptoms. These can be just my mood, how I talk to people, and lack of motivation to name a few.

It feels like there's so much to do it's unbearable, everything is out of my control or far ahead in front of me. This causes my anxiety to act up because I'm not in control of my future.

So what now?

Right now I'm trying not to give up hope. I'm looking forward to graduating, and it's been nice to not have that workload on my shoulders. But I'm still anxiously waiting to get my grades back. I'm trying to keep busy so that I don't work myself into a post-graduate depression, because that is a real thing that everyone experiences.

I want to focus on my blog, getting myself together and trying to enjoy life a bit more. I tend to hole myself up almost like a vampire that I forget how beautiful the sunset looks. And of course job hunting for a 'proper job' but I shouldn't get my hopes up. Plus my film is getting some finishing touches before releasing it into the wild world of film festivals.

I recently binge watched Girl Boss on Netflix and absolutely loved it, completely recommend if you haven't seen it yet!

Sorry for being a bit absent, I hope all of you are ok!

Love Saffron x

The Truth About University | Workload

This is the fifth instalment of the student blogger collab, this week it's all about university workload.

When I was at college I could manage to workload of preparing for exams and completing essays (just about), albeit sometimes I was a bit lazy...

When I started university I was quite care free and happy, I suppose I might've had minimal effort as you'll hear this phrase circle quite a lot "you only have to pass first year". I would like to shut down this known phrase to university students, if you don't put in your all you won't receive an awful lot. I did ok in some units but if I had tried harder and watched less Netflix I might've done better.

The purpose of trying harder is to see what grades you can achieve, plus each year the workload gets more intense. I know that each course is different, whether you're doing a creative or academic course they both can be hard and demanding.

My advice to you (if you're a student or about to be one) is to look up all of your deadlines and what each deadline requires of you. My university give out these free academic wall planners, if you can get one of those or make one yourself to map out how much time you have per deadline. It'll also feel amazing when you start to tick off your deadlines!

When I had my dissertation I would start crossing off the days that had passed, it might sound a bit delusional to count down the days that I didn't have to finish. But, I found that adding that small bit of fear made me try a lot harder.

University isn't a joke and should be taken seriously, but you should know when you let loose and have breaks as well. Some people go through university constantly partying and only focusing on the social aspect, I'm not saying to ignore it, but it's not the whole reason why you're there and getting stupidly in debt!

Every year I tell myself that I'm going to keep on top of my work...and every year I more or less fail at doing so. I hate to admit the amount of times I've been doing work the night before a deadline, and every time I do it I kick myself for not being organised!

I know for some people that they can handle workloads and get high marks, so it does depend on your own ability and you need to work round that, and ask for help if you need it. There are loads of places for support at university, you just have to ask.

Let me know if you've got any advice on workloads!

I'm currently doing work for my last submission...which is tomorrow...I never learn!

Saffron x

The Truth About Uni | Relationships

The fourth instalment of the student bloggers collab is about relationships and friendships.

If you didn't know already I'm in a long term relationship with my boyfriend of seven years and four months; Connor (who I've mentioned in previous posts). We met at school when we were fourteen and we've been with each other ever since.

Originally I wasn't interested in university, but Connor persuaded me that it'd be the better route. The other option being work experience/placements/apprenticeships you get the gist. At the time I wanted to be a writer not a journalist, and I became engrossed with the idea of writing film reviews so I would continue a writing career after completing a one year film production course. But when choosing between three years of creative writing/journalism or three years of film production, film won by far.

I tried not to make my decision on which university to go to based on where Connor was going, I didn't want to be one of those girls. I wanted to be strong headed and make a decision that was best for my future career, although it terrified me to be in a long distance relationship.

We both chickened out of moving away to London, and I made my decision to stay local and go with Portsmouth. Connor was looking at Cardiff in clearing but it fell through and he decided on Portsmouth too, which was probably for the better.

He was staying at home as he's fairly local too whereas I moved into Portsmouth so it wasn't too bad, mainly he stayed round mine as it was easier to get to university...cheeky.

We both were studying film production at Portsmouth, so at least we weren't alone in our lectures, but we both quickly made our own friends as we weren't in all of the same classes. People thought it'd be weird that we were on the same course at the same university, but we'd already been on the same course at college and had developed a "work relationship" where we'd exercise our top banter as best friends and not girlfriend/boyfriend in front of everyone. As we are best friends it's been really great that he understands the stresses that I go through and vice versa.

I think the only issue was when people would refer to me as "Connor's girlfriend" on our course rather than my fairly unique name. It didn't bother me too much but I am my own person and it would've been nice to be called by name.

I'm looking forward to graduating with my boyfriend and my best friend this year. Not many people can say that, and it's been a hard three years so I can't wait to end it with Connor by my side.

I won't go too much into friendships otherwise this would be an incredibly wordy post! But as mentioned in The Truth About Uni | Accommodation it was a bit harder to make friends as I didn't live in halls or go out an awful lot. But, I'm happy with what I've had at university, and I've got my friends from school so I've never been too far away from a friend when I've needed one!

How have you found maintaining friendships and relationships, or even starting them at university?

Saffron x


Please check out these lovely ladies posts!

Jasmine from Thoughts From Jasmine (she brought us all together)

Jen from Velvet Spring

Becky from The Owlet

Annaleid from Actually Anna

Sophie from The Glamour Reel

Katherine from Millennial Rants

Tori from Legally Brunette

Connor's Social Media Links:

Website: connorcleary.co.uk

Twitter: @iamconnorcleary

Instagram: @IamConnorCleary

The Truth About Uni | Finance

This is the third instalment of a collaboration with other student bloggers. This week is all about finance at university.

Being a third year at university I have honestly been through the whole finance drama.

Firstly, before you even start university there are a few financial questions:

1. How much will my loan be?
2. Can I live off of it comfortably?
3. When do I have to pay my deposit?

To answer question one, you can get a rough estimate from the Student Finance Calculator, all you need are some basic details such as how much your tuition fees are, family income (prepare for your parents to not want to tell you this information even though you need to know it to fill out the actual finance forms), when you're starting and if you are going to university in or outside of London and any disabilities or extra help you might need.

This is a rough guide of how much you might get for that year, and keep in mind you get three payments throughout the year. We were on low income so a lot of my maintenance loan turned into a grant (grants mean you don't have to pay it back - yipee!) and I also qualified for an extra bursary each term (more free money).

For those of you starting this year, it's all unfortunately been turned into loans [insert sad face emoji].

Here is an example of the finance calculator:

You shouldn't be terrified of finance, there's lots of help around and especially at your university to guide you through the process.

The second question depends on how much you get, you will need to budget and work out how much rent you need to pay each term, if there's anything you'll need to pay for as part of your course, and a rough food budget. Notice I haven't included booze in this! First and foremost you need a roof over your head and food! There are lots of stories of students getting their first instalment of their loan and spending it all on the first Fresher's night - please do not do this. Unless you have rich parents to fall back on that is not advisable!

In my first year I didn't go out drinking much, partly because my housemates weren't party animals and I was quite happy binging Netflix and making Angel Delight. I also kept to roughly £20 per week on food as I shopped at ASDA and would raid the reduced sections as I memorised their reducing times!

If you keep to a strict budget you will be perfectly fine! I also kept my job so I had some extra income for when that loan starts to disappear, I would definitely recommend looking for a part time job even if it's just one day a week. It'll put some extra money in your pocket and also show's people you were prepared to work through university and not just party all the time.

My third point is very important, I didn't actually realise I had to pay a deposit before my loan came in. This is so that landlords can have security that they will have tenants for that year and usually they aren't refundable. I was completely broke before going to university, it was a very recent thing where I went shopping a bit too much and had to ask friends for money as I was ashamed of nearly having noughts appear in my account.

Luckily my parents saw I was hiding something and helped me cover my deposit and I paid them back with my loan. If you can save up now for your deposit I would advise it as you don't want to get into a bad habit of borrowing money (cough that's me cough cough).

As I mentioned earlier, in my first year I did ok I didn't have a lot of savings (I paid for a holiday, an iPad and lots of clothes that I never wore or didn't fit me), but then I kept getting into a bad habit of having to borrow money to see through the months. I also tried leaving my job for other jobs and it didn't work out and I ended up getting taxed a fair amount for having two jobs, and at one point they thought I had four?!

I made the mistake of getting an overdraft in my second year, as everyone had one and I thought it'd be a nice safety net and I wouldn't have to borrow from my parents anymore. I started off with just £500 as I could easily pay that back with wages. However, I could increase my overdraft online. Bad mistake. This then lead onto making an appointment at the bank to ask for an even bigger overdraft, and by this point I was in too deep.

If you saw my post earlier this year Why I'm On A Spending Ban you'll have noticed it's taken me awhile to get my finances under wraps. If you can avoid overdrafts I'd advise that! I didn't really need one and I abused it a bit too much.

I've got my last loan this month and it's terrifying. I have no savings and I still need to clear some debt and pay for driving. So you can guess where it's all going to go...

My one last piece of advice to you, whether you're about to become a university student or are a first or second year, is to save or spend your money wisely. If you need a phone, laptop, camera, decent clothes that are durable and can justify it then go ahead. But these loans won't last forever, trust me! These three years go by really fast!

Sorry for a very wordy post, but I hope it's helpful and can give you some insight!

Please check out these lovely ladies posts!

Jasmine from Thoughts From Jasmine (she brought us all together)

Jen from Velvet Spring

Becky from The Owlet

Annaleid from Actually Anna

Sophie from The Glamour Reel

Katherine from Millennial Rants

Tori from Legally Brunette

The Truth About Uni | Accommodation

This is the third instalment of the blogger collaboration I'm a part of as a student blogger.

For this post I will be talking about accommodation at university.

First Year

Even though I lived fairly close to my university (Portsmouth) I wanted to experience living on my own (and with several other people) I wanted to live in halls as it seemed like an interesting living situation. Unfortunately, either something messed up in the post or I was so busy with my college deadlines I missed the paperwork for when I should apply for halls.

I was a bit devastated as it was only two months until I started university with no where to live. I was advised to still apply for halls but that I was better off to looking into private housing. I had no clue where to start. I visited various Facebook pages with calls for housemates but I was a bit sceptic living with people I'd met through Facebook and if they looked a bit dodgy.

I worked as a sales assistant at the universities graduation photos, and one of the other assistants needed a housemate (I felt a bit more positive this time as I felt I knew her after working up to twelve hour days by her side). I had already said yes to another house at this time, but there was no contract, and apparently I couldn't move in until the first day of uni...I wan't too fond of this but at the time I had no where else to go. As there was no contract I wasn't obliged to pay anything, or find a replacement for them (I was also a bit miffed at how I was treated but oh well).

I visited this new potential house and it was the best one I'd seen, it was all inclusive so once I'd paid for my rent that also covered all the bills each month as well (bonus!) the last room available was the front downstairs one. I wasn't overly keen as I'd never had a room downstairs at the front of the house before but it was a decent sized room.

My mum helped me move in with a mediocre load of my belongings (it's worth noting how much stuff multiplies when you move in some where) and when it was time for my mum to leave we both got really emotional. I hadn't had time to actually process that I was moving out, even though I'd already spent a lot of time at my boyfriends, this was something definite. When she left I felt really alone as I didn't know if anyone else was in and I put on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and shed a few tears in self pity.

After a few days I got to know my housemates and settled in, I tried to go to as many Fresher nights out as a I could and made new friends. My housemates were all third years and they didn't go out clubbing at all so it was a bit hard to make friends so I had to make some on my course.

In my first lecture I met my future housemate as we instantly got on, and you have to start looking for decent houses by October/November if you don't plan on staying in your current one. Looking for decent houses is really stressful, basically all student houses have mould, it's something really gross you have to deal with. Landlords won't really help with that you just have to clean it with mould spray yourself (I learnt this the hard way when one landlord just painted over it, that doesn't work at all). Or you end up with really tiny rooms.

Second Year

As previously mentioned I moved in with two of my course mates and a mutual friend. I became the lead tenant as I liked to organise things and had arranged all of the viewings for houses. I was really excited as this was a bigger house and I bagged the bigger room (it's noted there was some arguing and falling out over this, in retrospect I was quite stressed from my first year and wouldn't have minded one of the medium rooms).

I did get on with my housemates really well but there's always issues over bills (this time we had to pay via meter) or cleaning as you don't realise how quickly a kitchen can get messy with four people living in it...ok maybe you can.

Three of us were second years, and we lived with one third year but we all loved going out and clubbing and bonding as housemates, which made me really happy! We'd go out on a regular basis and take lots of housemate selfies.

In the middle of the year, we decided to live in the same house to save the hassle of looking for another one, we were really close to uni and the centre of Portsmouth and some of the discrepancies of the house could be overlooked.

However, our current landlords sold the house to another company who wanted to redo the house into a seven/eight bed property and charged ridiculous prices. So we were left to look for another house.

Third Year

I'm jumping to third year because after a lot of university stress and mental health problems, I'd decided to live at home to try and save my sanity. I'd realised in my current state I wasn't fit to live with other people and needed to move back home to try and get better, as I'd started receiving counselling. This meant I could save some money as I'd only have to pay a bit of rent to my mum and cover travel to and from university.

Even though the travel is a hassle when it comes to late finishes and getting stuck in traffic (I tried to take the bus because it was cheaper than the train), and with going clubbing and having to pay £15-£20 for a taxi home, I felt a lot better living back home at my base and not falling out with housemates as it's just me, my mum and our two nuisance cats.

If you're a regular on my blog you'd have read my Why I'm On A Spending Ban post, and by living at home I've been able to crawl out of my black hole of an overdraft.

I don't regret living at home at all, I feel more grounded and more me again! I have fallen out of clubbing for now, I'm not sure why but I'm going to write a post about it soon! I just wonder what it might have been like if I'd stayed at home this whole time, would I have more savings, would I be able to drive??

Even though I've learned a lot through living away from home, I already had some life skills through working and through how my parents raised me. For some moving away from home is essential for what university you go to, but if you can, I would advise living at home for at least one of the years.

So there you have it, my accommodation story! I hope it's insightful for those going to university this year, and maybe even current students who are having housemate/landlord/money issues!

I will be posting the next instalment in two weeks time!

Please check out the other lovely blogger's posts:

Jasmine from Thoughts From Jasmine (she brought us all together)

Jen from Velvet Spring

Becky from The Owlet

Annaleid from Actually Anna 

Sophie from The Glamour Reel

Katherine from Millennial Rants

Tori from Legally Brunette

Saffron x

International Women's Day

With it being International Women's Day, I thought I'd do a little post on my thoughts.

Being a woman myself, I take matters concerning our gender to heart (like most of us), especially when you see that women still have to protest and march for simple human rights. It's not just our country, it's for the other women in less fortunate countries too. We are more privileged than other countries women, but it's great to see campaigns such as He for She where Emma Watson is an ambassador (learn more here).

There have been many incidents where women have been looked down upon and constantly stereotyped. I'm not sure when, but I've always felt independent and wanted to do things my own way, I will always reach the top shelf even though I'm a shorty (5ft2in) I'll put together furniture myself (and I read the manual, that's what it's there for) and that I don't need a man to do things for me. Perhaps it was just because it's the 21st century and there's a lot of messages out there for women to be strong and independent.

I think it's important for everyone, male and female to work together, and hopefully help where we can in less fortunate countries. Every one deserves basic human rights and respect.

I didn't want to be too preachy on this post, but just wanted to talk about an important matter on International Women's Day.

If you want to read more about International Women's Day go to this link https://www.internationalwomensday.com/Theme

I wish you all a happy International Women's Day, wherever you are!

Love Saffron x