Victorious Festival 2019 | AD*

Credit: Connor Cleary

It felt good to be back at Victorious again this year, it's starting to feel like my home away from home! We had such perfect weather this bank holiday weekend - especially compared to last years drenching. I had access to a press pass again this year which meant I could chill in the VIP area and press tent. Not much had changed here except more seating and a few different vendors and stalls. I actually barely got to use the area this year, except for the nicer toilets!

Credit: Connor Cleary

Credit: Connor Cleary

Once myself and my boyfriend (Connor Cleary) met up with one of our friends we had a walk around the main stage area, and were delighted to see the Strongbow arena again. This is always the best place to go and chill and listen to music, there's a handy little bar there too. When we arrived there was a piano duo who just started a set where they play nothing but festival-goers requests, which is quite impressive. They started with Freed From Desire and continued with requests like Don't You Want Me and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - quite diverse! It's an all out party throughout the day and is definitely a good place to hit up at the end of the day to have a little boogie and let loose.

As always on the Friday access is limited until Saturday, but you still have the Beats and Swing tent which has similar vibes to Strongbow but I specifically recall one man purely beatboxing tunes from there which sounded incredible. You'll always see plenty of people bundled in there having the time of their lives.

Credit: Connor Cleary

There were still plenty of food vendors to buy grub from and replacing the Coca Cola team from last year there was Fuze Tea (of which Coca Cola is a parent company) handing out free cans of iced tea in green tea and mango flavours and again they were encouraging people to recycle their cans at their stations. There were also representatives from Rowntree's Randoms with a fancy dress/photo booth opportunity giving out free sweets.

When I actually look back over the weekend I didn't see that many bands. Between trying to get content for the festival and doing what your friends want to (so that you don't get lost as on the Saturday there was basically no phone signal or 3G) I only saw a handful of acts.

Credit: Becca Egerstrom

Credit: Becca Egerstrom

 But, the one's I did get to see I really enjoyed. I would say my favourite performances were by Lewis Capaldi and Professor Green. I wasn't a huge fan of Pro Green before Victorious but where I dip in and out of pop music I've heard some of his songs. I just loved the vibe the audience gave off when they were raving to his songs, it makes you compelled to join in even if you don't know the words! Professor Green posted a photo from the Castle Stage on his Instagram and wrote "The gig of my career thus far. Do not have the words. You keep me going, thank you" which I had to do a double take for! Little ol' Portsmouth aye?

And need I say anything on Lewis Capaldi? His set was everything I hoped for. My favourite songs at the moment are (in no particular order because I love them all) Bruises, Hold Me While You Wait, Someone You Loved and Grace. He just has this charisma that makes him entertaining but he's also talented; a good combo. Lewis mentioned something about writing a song in Gosport, which instantly had many boos and a few cheers from the audience - I'm not sure what that was about, but if he did by chance write a song in Gosport while he was over here for Isle of Wight Festival that will be very interesting to find out what it's about...

Credit: Tom Langford

You may have read my recent post regarding mental health at gigs, and specifically my experience at Isle of Wight Festival in 2014. I talk a bit about The Special's set from Victorious, I have a special place in my heart for The Specials and ska music. I love that it can go from being so chilled and the next minute everyone's got their elbows and knees up in the air having a whale of a time. I was so grateful that I got to experience them again, and this time with no mental health hiccup! The only thing I was gutted about was them not including 'Ghost Town' in their set, which is one of my favourites.

Credit: Tom Langford

Credit: Tom Langford

It was also great to see New Order on the Sunday from basically the front row. I always love going to see old school popular bands like The Cure and The Human League (of which myself and Connor were front row for at Bestival 2016), you never know when they are going to stop performing so it's great to be able to experience them. What was even more great was they threw in some Joy Division songs so you had the whole package during their set. I'll admit that after 15 minutes I left the near-front-row to go and chill at the back of the common stage, grabbed a paella and a crepe and bopped along to the music. I do love to just relax at festivals, it doesn't always have to be a full out party.

Credit: Connor Cleary

Credit: Connor Cleary

I'm sad that most of the weekend had a lot of running around and not much of seeing actual artists like the previous years I'd been to, but I saw the ones I wanted to see which is what mattered! It was also the first year I had met up with a lot of friends, and trying to orchestrate where we were all going and trying to meet up throughout the day was a challenge when you all have different agendas!

I have loved reading about all of the positives that Victorious Festival brings to Portsmouth's economy. According to The News - Portsmouth, last year it brought in £9 million to the city. That just amazes me, at how much this festival can do for all of the businesses on the island. So far over the years the festival has raised £182,000 for charities as well. As I was born in Portsmouth and have lived on and around the island, I'm really proud of what the city can do. I can't wait to see this fantastic festival grow and benefit thousands more people just from the joy of music.

*I have disclosed this post as an AD, as I was given a free press pass to the festival of which I applied for. All opinions are my own and I wan't paid anything to write or make content for the festival.

Throwback to Isle of Wight Festival 2014

I wasn’t sure whether to talk about this or not, but I’m actually quite proud of how far I have come. I was going to post this on my social media channels but once I had finished writing this I realised I had accidentally written a blog post, so here you go!

Over five years ago I went to my first festival; Isle of Wight Festival 2014 with my boyfriend and one of our friends. We were all really excited as the line up was incredible! Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Biffy Clyro and Kings of Leon were the headliners and then the likes of The Pretty Reckless (who I was mad about at the time!) Nina Nesbit, John Newman and Rudimental to name a few. And of course the Ska legends; The Specials. I grew up hearing them on the radio on various car journeys with my dad and hearing Ghost Town on a Halloween radio station. We just so happened to have stayed at the front of the main stage ALL DAY. Pure accident and unplanned, we weren’t hungry or thirsty and didn’t need the loo, so we thought “why not try and stay here until Red Hot Chili’s?”. That would be an amazing memory. All was going well, that year there was a big football game on (can’t remember off the top of my head, not really a huge football fanatic so don’t shoot me) and I remember a lot of people getting more drunk and rowdy because of it and acting a bit “hooligany". As the day went on it got really hot and humid and more and more crowded, but we soldiered on. Right, The Specials started their set. The atmosphere was incredible! Everyone getting a bit of a dance on, getting whacked on the head by guys behind me (short person problem) but it’s fine carry on! And then pushing and shoving and more invasion of my personal space occurred. I remember being irate that a woman next to me was wearing this fluffy woollen jumper (a texture that makes me cringe and repulse) and because of the lack of space the texture was constantly touching my skin in some way. After a few more pushes and shoves I decided I couldn't hack it anymore, my friend felt the same, being that she was smaller than me it must’ve been worse for her. We left my boyfriend and I started to confidently make my way through the crowd heading backwards. Getting past the first few rows was fine as people were eager to get us out so they could get closer, and then it was like hitting a brick wall made of people. No one was letting us through any further and all these people were looking at us and I couldn’t see a way out, we were just smack in the middle of a crowd. A lady saw me and said "you can't go any further".

That’s when I lost it. I didn’t see it coming. I fell apart as a human being. A full blown panic attack. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see and my eyes were streaming with tears. All I remember was my friend walloping people out of the way to get back to the front to seek medical assistance whilst she also was having a panic attack. I don’t even recall how I got carried over the gates I literally lost my sight for at least five minutes and then once I was out of that environment and the welfare team sat us down with water I started to reappear. 

It was such a strange experience. That had never happened to me before or at least not on that scale. This was years before being diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Depression and mental health wasn’t in the media at all so I didn’t know what had hit me. For the rest of the festival I didn’t get back in the crowds for fear the same thing would happen again. I didn’t really get to fully experience The Specials and only saw the Red Hot Chilli Peppers from way back by the Ferris wheel and it didn’t sound great and couldn’t even see the stage. 

So, the point of this post. Last weekend The Specials played at Victorious and I was so excited to try and see them again. This time though, I’ve experienced far more mental health problems (than one person probably should) and kind of know how to handle it most days and I’ve been to gigs and festivals since where I’ve been at the front and not had a panic attack. I finally got the see The Specials at a fairly decent distance and relax with fellow Ska lovers. Not a panic attack or anxious feeling in sight. I even lost my friends several times over the weekend and there was no signal or internet, I guess due to the amount of people there the companies couldn’t keep up with the demand. I just found myself on my own in big crowds of people with no way to find my own people until my signal came back. And you know what? I coped. I made my own plan of action and even enjoyed just roaming around on my own, getting a drink, having a peek at other stages. Of course I know that last weekend could’ve gone the other way if I had let it. But I am mentally stronger (sometimes) and I try to keep that pesky anxious voice out of my head. 

All in all it was a lovely weekend, except losing everyone constantly and the heat was just a bit much at times especially in the crowds, we were quite lucky that most of the other festival-goers were quite friendly and lighthearted. My Victorious round up will be up soon!

Victorious Festival | Day 3

Saturday had such lovely weather, but this whole weekend I had to scrutinise the weather forecast to try and wear weather appropriate clothes. Especially as the festival is right by the seafront it's going to be a bit colder and windier.

I had seen that the whole day was supposed to be raining and potentially have up to 40mph winds! Considering how I did not have sensible clothes on Friday when it was raining, there was not a chance I was going to make that mistake again. I had some blisters on my feet from wearing my Doc Martens all day on Saturday, so I layered up with three plasters and three pairs of socks to pad my feet out a bit. I went for doc martins again as they are pretty good in the rain and I've worn them in the snow earlier this year. I decided to wear my Victorious tee from the 2016 festival, my new Victorious hoodie, my coat and a black cap to stop the rain getting in my eyes.

My friend Danielle had told me that the festival team had started to prepare the site for the rain and winds so they had removed some of the flags, the hammocks in the VIP area, the TV screens by the stages had been moved down. The site looked so gloomy when we arrived, puddles of water started to appear around what is Southsea Common and there was barely anyone in the main area, they had all sought shelter or gone home to come back later.

The Sunday line up was ok, but all three acts that I wanted to see were all on at the same time: last performance of the evening on their respective stages. I wanted to see Years and Years (who I've already seen twice - they are amazing by the way), Lucy Spraggan and The Prodigy. As much as I wanted to see Year and Years and Lucy Spraggan, my younger teenage self would never have forgiven me if I passed on The Prodigy.

I wanted to try and catch some different bands throughout the day so I headed down fairly early to try and get some content. The weather was just atrocious. It was raining quite hard and constant and there weren't too many areas to seek shelter and I didn't want to stay out in this weather all day.

I had decided I wanted to get my hair braided as I knew it was going to get wet and thrown all over my face, and I just needed a neat girly hairstyle. Fortunately, I came across the All Out Beauty station, they had different compartments on the ground level where you can get your hair styled and take pictures with instagrammable backgrounds, and upstairs was a VIP viewing area of the festival with more aesthetic decorations.

All of the staff there were in high spirits despite having to sweep water off of the walking areas and their ponchos getting blown in the wind. They were all so lovely and friendly it made up for the horrible weather.

By this time I was soaked through, I bought some yummy warm churros and retreated back home for a nice roast dinner. Then headed back in the evening with Connor for The Prodigy. The band before TP were called Friendly Fires, and after questioning the frontman's (Ed Macfarlane) thrusting and bopping on stage and the crazy fans manoeuvering their bodies in no particular pattern, I was actually really into their vibe. It was upbeat and entertaining, I will definitely be checking out their music and would love to see them again.

We were so excited for The Prodigy to come on, we really wanted to be down in the crowd but Connor had really bad feet from working all weekend and didn't have suitable shoes on <insert eye roll emoji> but at least I could see the stage and all of the festival goers from the VIP area. I love watching the crowd and feeling the vibe from the audience, I soak it all in.

The minute that TP came on stage they completely changed the atmosphere, they had a crazy lighting set up and smoke that clouded over the stage. Maxim, Keith Flint and Liam Howlett were absolutely incredible. They had so much energy that you couldn't help but sing and dance along to all of the classics. They had made some changes to some of the tracks which made it seem more modern - I'm a big fan of a lot of Invaders Must Die tracks.

Out of all the acts I had seen over the weekend, The Prodigy were by far the LOUDEST. I don't know if it was because of the genre or the fact that they were the big headliner for the weekend but it was so great to have to music pulse through you. They were the highlight of the weekend without a doubt. There were so many great acts, but with their performance and the reaction from the crowd it was just unforgettable.

photo credit: Tom Langford

It was an amazing end to the weekend and I loved every second of it - even the rainy parts. I would one hundred percent go back next year. Victorious have got early bird tickets here - including whole weekend tickets!

Did you go to this years festival, or are you interested in next years? I'd love to know in the comments.

Disclaimer: Carousel PR were generous enough to grant me a press pass for the whole weekend at Victorious Festival which included access to the VIP area. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Victorious Festival | Day 2

Saturday was a beautiful day, and because Connor had to work at the festival filming I invited my lovely friend Charis (as seen above) to explore and be my photographer.

We got to the site early to have a look around and get some photos with no one else around and grabbed a bacon roll from a food truck in the kid's area. There was also a chocolate company called Montezuma's giving out free bars of chocolate which was actually really nice, they have dairy free, gluten free and vegan chocolate bars. I'm a little bit in love with their chocolate and will have to seek out their Chichester store soon!

I love that at festivals there are cute little market stalls, especially as they might have something that you need like Charis needed sunglasses and lots of stalls had them! Plus it's another way to kill some time if you're waiting for an artist.

We survived mostly on the free Coca-Cola cans being given out, they had vanilla, peach and cherry mini cans and you could recycle them back to their area, and if you queued to go inside you could win prizes. Probably the best incentive to recycle cans ever and the vanilla was my favourite.

The Strongbow area were giving out free Dark Fruits ice cream, it was 1.1% alcohol in it so after they ID-ed me I enjoyed my ice cream. I loved how many companies were giving out free food and drink at the festival, I think it's a great way to try new things without having to burn a hole in your pocket.

As it was busier today there were a lot more people about, and I noticed a lot of rubbish just thrown on the floor when there’s plenty of bins. Literally, Victorious organisers had so many bins, recycling bins and even points where you give the cups in to be reused. 

Even in the VIP area a group of people threw all of their cans on the floor and just left about 10-15 cans of rubbish and they pushed crisp packets in between the wooden bench. Myself and Charis helped clean up the area when a litter picker came by.

It was lovely to walk around the full site today and have a look at all of the other food vendors and market stalls that had opened up. I even saw a human fruit machine, I’m not sure what they were promoting but it was hilarious. Lots of families invested in those inflatable sofa things where you have to run around with it to get air in it. Top quality entertainment right there.

There were a lot of younger festival goers today, and a lot more scantily dressed ones. The weather was a lot more suitable for that kind of festival vibe, but some of them looked so young and I saw a lot of bums and boobs.

Today I was most excited to see Gabrielle Aplin and Paloma Faith, I've been fortunate to see both of these artists before and loved them so much I needed to see them again. Gabrielle was on quite early in the way which was a lovely way to compliment her soft voice in the sunshine. I always forget how many of her songs I know, and I enjoyed singing along to Panic Chord, Night Bus and Please Don't Say You Love Me. I made a mental note to add some of my faves to a Spotify playlist.

I ran into some family friends who said I needed to watch the Happy Mondays, which I can say I only know about them because of Shaun Ryder when he was on I'm A Celeb. We didn't have anyone else we wanted to see at this time, so we thought we'd educate ourselves and see what they were like. It was fantastic, maybe not in the way of a good quality performance but one of the band members; Bez was so entertaining. He was playing the "maracas" but you could obviously see he wasn't contributing to the music as he sauntered up and down the stage doing a little mince-type dance and waving the maracas around. Bez absolutely made my day and I was in stitches.

One of my favourite independent restaurants is Pie and Vinyl in Castle Road, Portsmouth. They do amazing pies with all the fixings, it was so good to see them at Victorious. They had changed the names of the pies to have Victorious themed pies, I chose Chick-torious as it's one of my favourites and it's just delicious. They also have options for vegetarians, vegans, gluten free and dairy free food.

photo credit: Tom Langford

The line up for Saturday had a few well-known legends, as well as the Happy Mondays, Victorious also had Brian Wilson from The Beach Boys - with some of the original members, and also Paul Weller from The Jamm. I must admit I didn't know too many of their songs but I love God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You by The Beach Boys and Town Called Malice by the Jamm.

After hearing some of the golden oldies, we moved over to the Castle Stage to see the lovely Paloma Faith. Admittedly, I don't know much of her newer songs but I loved her first two albums. Paloma was wearing a pink patterned A-style cut dress with funky pink glasses - she kind of reminded me of Linda from Gimme Gimme Gimme but it was a good vibe.

photo credit: Tom Langford

I wasn't really into Paloma's performance, it was a bit odd and I know she's a very quirky person but I personally wasn't really enjoying it and it just felt like something was missing? We left after four songs as I wasn't feeling it and we partied our butts off in the Strongbow arena and met with my boyfriend and friend. It was really good to just let loose the dance moves as everyone was having a good time and the DJ set had constant tunes playing. It was a really good way to end the day.

The Saturday was so amazing, it was great to have a bit of sunshine and there was an amazing sunset behind the festival. It's in an amazing setting taking up most of Southsea Common, the D Day Museum, and Southsea Castle.

#peasandlove

My Sunday post will be up soon!

All photos taken of me were by my friend Charis on my Canon EOS M10.

Disclaimer: Carousel PR were generous enough to grant me a press pass for the whole weekend at Victorious Festival which included access to the VIP area. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Victorious Festival | Day 1

outfit: denim jacket - cancer research, dress - h&m, sandles - new look

This was my first whole weekend at Victorious Festival, being fairly local this festival is in a really good location and I had attended one day at the 2016 one. It is quite handy that you can go to a festival on your doorstep for no more than £45 a day, but it would be quite handy to release weekend tickets - which Victorious are doing for next year! You can already grab an adult weekend ticket for £80.

I managed to bag myself a press pass for the whole weekend, which included access to the VIP area. And my oh my, did this come in handy to hide from the wind and rain!

The VIP area had hammocks, hay bales, a cute circus tent with loads of seating, unique food vendors who weren't in the main area, massages, face painting, a bar and a viewing area for the main stage. This place was heaven when the weather decided to attack Portsmouth. I chose the wrong outfit of course; a completely summery festival look for anticipated photos. 

I've never paid for a VIP upgrade before but had always wanted to know what it was like, the viewing area was a godsend as it meant that a shorty like me was guaranteed to actually see what was going on! The fancy flushing toilets were such a nice surprise - I've had my fair share of horrible portaloos so this was a sight for sore eyes.

my goofy cute boyfriend

It looks like they’ve expanded their stages from when I went two years ago, there were more places to buy food and drinks from, some cool photographic signs, lots of colourful flags and hilarious Dave signs. 

the common stage

There was a food vendor called Passion and Smoke selling poutine! Which usually you can only get in Canada (I was informed by my lovely new friend Danielle that 7Bone in Guildhall Walk also do it - review opportunity to come) It was really nice but went cold a little too quickly and I’d have liked it if the cheese curd had completely melted but it was still goooood. They also had seasoned the fries which tasted lovely.

poutine on the right and delicious churros on the left

We arrived early on Friday to try and get some photos before the festival-goers turned up, but the site was quite limited as they were still setting up the other areas. There was the Common Stage, Strongbow DJ Bar and Beats and Swing tent available and a lot of food trucks were open.

One of the first things we did was check out the merch stalls, the merchandise was dirt cheap! T-shirts for £12 and hoodies for £23. I’ve never seen festival merch prices like this and I’m in love, I'm used to £20-£25 for a shirt or £40-£50 for a hoodie at most gigs. I was most definitely getting a line up t-shirt and line up hoodie.

After exploring the main area, the weather got quite bad so I sought refuge in the VIP area out of the wind and rain. I have been taking up reading again as I've always wanted to re-read the Harry Potter series as I'm pretty sure I didn't read most of them properly when I was around seven. I started chatting to some other festival-goers who I was sharing the table with and despite the gloomy weather they were very chipper, and it restores my faith in humanity when people can be really friendly in less than ideal situations! Think about it, would that have happened on a train? Probably not as train commuters are usually grumpy and don't want to be near anyone - I have been one of these people!

But put those people into a festival and those frowns turn to smiles, even with people dancing in the rain and puddles.

I caught a few of the acts at the beginning of the day who I liked; Marley Blandford, Hymn for Her and Come Together. One of the things I love about festivals is just rocking up to a stage and not knowing the artist or band and then falling in love with their sound. I'm one of those people who doesn't mind going to concerts of bands I don't know because listening to them live for the first time is such an amazing experience - plus you have the memories from the festival/gig attached to those songs.

photo credit: Tom Langford

I thought it was kind of odd that Kaiser Chiefs weren't the headliner's for Friday, I don't really know The Libertines that well. Ricky Wilson was such a good front man for the band, he put all of his energy into his performance and even at one point he started to climb the scaffolding around the stage - I'm sure this is a huge health and safety risk but it was pretty cool.

By this point I couldn't feel the lower half of my legs or my feet so Connor and I shivered our way back to the car. I was looking forward to getting all toasty in the car, and the fact that Saturday was supposed to be warm and sunny! It was really good to experience the Friday line up and I was excited for what was to come next.

Keep an eye out for the Saturday and Sunday posts!

All photos taken of me were by Connor Cleary on his Canon 5D Mark iii.

Disclaimer: Carousel PR were generous enough to grant me a press pass for the whole weekend at Victorious Festival which included access to the VIP area. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Brushbox Review

I've always been that person that forgets to top up on toothpaste, or change their brush regularly for hygiene reasons, who can remember when they started using that toothbrush?  I read a post by my friend Sophie about Brushbox and I was convinced that a subscription box would change my life for the better!

You can build your subscription box to suit your needs. Starting from £3.50 a month, but you pay every two months, as your box contains two months worth of supplies which would make it £6.00 every two months.

You can get boxes from one to four people, I decided to get a box for two so my boyfriend and I always have our supplies as we usually end up having to wrestle with the tube of toothpaste when we've got to the bottom of it until the end of time. You can choose between having adults or children in the subscription which would be useful for families.

There are three variations of the toothbrush; Pure, Smooth Bamboo and Curved Bamboo and these come in different colours randomly selected with your order. It's noted that if you're looking for a handy subscription box that is more eco-friendly, the bamboo toothbrushes can be decomposed in compost (with the bristles removed), and the pure ones can go straight in the recycling!

I chose the Smooth Bamboo (an extra 50p each) as I've started to be more eco-friendly conscious and was curious as to the feel and effect of an eco-friendly toothbrush as I've always had plastic. You can also add on dental floss and a tongue cleaner to your order, but I opted for just the brushes and paste for now.

My subscription contains two Smooth Bamboo toothbrushes and four tubes of toothpaste (two tubes per adult) which costs £13.98 every two months (there's no extra delivery charge to get it straight to your door - very handy!).

My Brushbox was a surprise to my boyfriend, but he was actually really into trying the bamboo brushes! I've been using these for a couple of months now and I love them. The brush is nice and smooth, and the bristles are softer, which is good for me as I can have quite sensitive gums. The toothpaste comes in little one-month use tubes as a blue paste with an adequate minty taste, I'm not a fan of overbearing minty toothpaste.

I was really happy that the majority of the box and packaging is recyclable, except the toothpaste tube I believe.

For every box purchased Brushbox donate products to those in need across the world, so by us keeping up on our tooth cleanliness we can help give others the materials needed for healthy teeth.

You can sign up to get 50% off your first Brushbox here*, and if you only want to try out one box you can cancel at any time but I guarantee you'll love the luxury of having your toothy essentials delivered to your door!

I really love the products in this box, and I can't imagine going to a supermarket or drugstore again to purchase my dental goodies! Plus there's the bonus of knowing that this is a more environmentally friendly way of keeping up with dental hygiene!

I hope you liked my post, I know I haven't been posting much - or if I have it's been mainly mental health related! But I've got lots more blog posts in the pipeline, so keep an eye out!

Love Saffron x

*Disclaimer: by using this link to purchase your Brushbox I will receive 50% of your order total for referring you to their service.

How University Broke Me

I've been speaking to a few people about my experience at University, and thought I'd write up a little post in case more of you want to hear how my time went...

When I look back now to nearly four years ago when I begun University, a lot has changed.

I was a lot slimmer, albeit I had a little belly it was nothing compared to my permanent food baby. I was a lot happier within my own skin, and had just begun an exciting adventure. I had suffered with untreated social anxiety from my teenage years, but I had been growing out of it and developing my social skills.

My finances weren't great, I had to get help from my parents to pay my deposit for my first year house and everyday spending. When my student loan actually came in I paid my rent for the first term in full so the rest was to save or spend. I had a rough budget for food each week, around £20-£25 but I used to raid the reduced section like a pro.

I'd started collating friends on my course and sampling the university lifestyle.

Flash forward to now:

I'm probably the heaviest I've ever been, the most unhappy I've been in my own skin since discovering my stretch marks a few years back. I try to cover up so people won't notice but it's getting to a point where I just look like a huge blob.

And I've more or less left University how I entered it, with no-one except my boyfriend; Connor.

How does that make me feel? Well in all honesty it's a whole mixture of emotions. I'm starting to prepare my mind and my body to shift my un-wanted pounds (post or video to come soon if I find the motivation). I do mourn the University experience I didn't get to live. Sure I went on nights out and learned how to cope on my own (just about). But uni has been tainted by all the bad memories, the stress, drama and fall outs.

I often wonder what it would be like if I hadn't of gone and gotten around £50,000 in debt, and went out and got some real experience in the industry. I would be far more employable that's for sure. Yes, I have a shiny degree I've worked for, but I don't have the experience, or enough of it to be desirable.

University has opened a few doors for me, I wouldn't have gotten most of my experience without it. But, I can't help but feel that if I had maybe done an apprenticeship or an internship I might've gotten more.

The main consequence of going to uni was how much my mental health deteriorated, and the domino effect of how that changed me as a person. As mentioned before there was a time were I was surrounded by lovely friends and going out each week. I started getting stress induced anxiety during my first year but I didn't really pick up on how bad my mental health was until second year. This was through all of my physical anxiety symptoms disrupting my life. When I started to seek help, it was the best thing to have happened to me.

However, during my counselling my Granny got seriously ill and passed away, and then the day after her funeral My Bedroom Caught Fire. These were two HUGE setbacks and I had to work even harder to try and survive each day. To be able to cope with all of this I decided to move back home with my Mum, so that I could have a bit of sanctuary where it was peaceful and I felt like I had my own space again.

By doing this it detached me from University life. It was a lot harder to go out now, I was becoming more isolated and friendships started to crumble. I didn't want to lose that close-ness but I wasn't the same person who started University anymore. I wasn't their friend, I was now a complete stranger who couldn't promise them the friendship they once had. But, my mental health benefited more from it, I had more alone time to focus on myself.

Even though I was doing better and my grades were excelling in my third year, a lot of damage had been done. I was extremely forgetful, my self confidence plummeted along with my self belief and of course I had to deal with my anxiety, PTSD and depression on a daily basis.

If I could go back to before University with all of this information and chose to do it again, I wouldn't. I know I've learned a lot from this experience but I lost so much at the same time. I lost myself, my friendships and two family members. My Dad used to say to me that it was much more important that I left University with my health, rather than beating myself up so much for a shiny degree.

I do believe that University can be a good thing for some people, some career paths you may need a degree to work your way up, or some people might want to go into academia. It's also okay to go if you want to have the experience of University if you have a passion or interest in a specific subject. I just think that in the end University wasn't for me. When I realised that, it was too late.

So there's my story. I know I may have skimmed over areas, but I didn't want waffle too much. I just wanted to cover my story as to what went wrong for me.

My lovely friend Lily, has written a post about her choice to not go to University.

I would love to hear about your experiences of going to University, or if you didn't!

Love Saffron x